Perplexed !!!!!!!

I often tell myself that "I need sometime for myself." I love solitude. I am often tempted to go back to my school days when for the very first time, I was introduced to this concept of the bliss of solitude by the greatest poet William wordsworth. From that time, may be in my Fifth standard, I have been enjoying my loneliness. My mind is extremely peaceful when I am alone and I tend to have a lot of conversation with my spirit inside.

In most of the conversations, or at times even confrontations I often lose to the logical and valid points put forth by my spirit(Conscience). This is one of the strong reasons to name this blog "Battlefield of the mind" ofcourse with a typo error :P

I am a man of very strong emotions and I lead my life based on the ideological beliefs that I hold very close to my heart. Often, this leads to the clash with many and I tend to resolve this through peaceful dialogue.

However, I have not been able to do justice to myself, both my spirit and my outer spirit. The underlying presumption is that there is a perfect resonance between all my senses. However, I am very big flop show while it comes to deliver things. A fren of mind calls me a man with a very high level of resilience. While I am glad about this level of resilience I am also concerned about my goof ups that just leaves me a resilient person and not a result oriented person.

Freedom from Bondage :)

There is an overwhelming sense of calmness now in my mind. My life is going to see brighter light in the days ahead. Why? Right now am burdened by several ongoing issues that has put a blockade to my creativity and spontaneity of thought. All these institutional structures have crippled my thoughts. But, its now time for me to change radically.

My external world is no longer gonna dictate terms to my mind or control my life. I have graduated from the stage of infancy(lost to the whims and fancies of this petty world) to the stage of maturity - To realize the truest meaning of life. I tend to see life more metaphysically though I end up appraising physically.

There are going to be new definitions of happiness in my life. Happiness that cannot be measured by human measures. My bonds with the crazy dictators of life are over. I am gonna taste freedom. Freedom from everything that I wanted to. I am going to be a free bird and going to explore all the horizons of life. Marks or Jobs or nothing is going to matter going forward.

Contemplations :)

One night I was rolling on the bed as the sleep fairy did not show her face to me. I was driven into a world of thoughts. I contemplated on so much that the 4 terabyte memory of my brain could not capture. Life has taught so many lessons over the years and yet the learning curve's slope is ever increasing and there is no plateau at all in the learning phase of life. Its an interesting debate if I should call this a phase as its not a short period but still I would call it a phase as there is something good always awaiting.

There have been times when I felt total deprivation of everything in my life. At times, on the contrary I feel that I have been blessed with so many beautiful wonders in my life. These wonders decorate my life. There is always a soul deep inside that consoles me to over come my day to day problems.

But One thing that I always miss the warmth of motherly touch. I tend to think metaphysical about the missing privilege of having a mother. But, my mind often consoles itself with this "God and Mother cannot be everywhere, so there are friends to comfort you". This is the driving slogan of my life. My frens have redefined my life and the way I live. They are the reason for a smile on my face.